Five things my clients taught me

I feel like I have the best job in the world. I get to help people. They tell me their secrets, they trust me. I have access into the human mind. After doing this for 10 years now, I’ve learned a lot from my clients about being human.

Here’s what I’ve learned so far:

 

1. We’re more alike than we are different.

We all worry. We all have fears and anxieties, and knowing that other people feel what we feel can bring peace of mind. A lot of my clients feel alone and flawed in some way, because they perceive that others don’t have the same fears and anxieties that they do. But this couldn’t be further from the truth. Experiencing fear is part of what makes us human. It’s just how you deal with your worry that makes the difference in how it impacts your life. There are healthy and unhealthy ways to cope with the difficulties we go through, but know that these internal battles are normal.

2. We don’t like uncertainty and lack of control.

Everyone, to some extent, likes familiarity. We want to feel like we know what’s coming, and we like to feel in control of most aspects of our life. Often, the things that brought us into therapy are the things we try so hard to control.

Changing your behaviour involves letting go of some control, and this is something a lot of people fear deeply. We fear letting go because we often think something bad will happen if we do. But remember that in order to create space that is new and better, we need to let go of the old behaviours order xanax no prescription that get in the way.

3. Getting better can be scary.

Some people identify very strongly with their depression, anxiety, perfectionism or other issues. By getting better and letting go of that issue, you can end up feeling like you don’t know who you are. For some of my clients, I’ve seen that letting go of this identity – the depressed, anxious or perfectionistic self – can make it feel like a part of them died. Although this can be scary, that discomfort is part of the process of growth and getting to know other aspects of yourself.

4. Change happens when we’re ready for it.

There is a difference between wanting change and being ready for change. We can be unhappy with something and really want things to be different, but we may not actually be willing to change. In a weird way, our uncomfortable circumstances can become the norm. Change can feel like stepping outside of something you’re used to.

5. We all want the same thing.

We all just want to be happy. In the end, we all want to feel good, and we’re doing our best to make that happen. Awareness of this simple truth can shift the way you relate to people because you would accept others more. Both self-judgment and judgment of others would diminish if we could just accept who we are.

Self-acceptance has a powerful ripple effect. It sets you up to be happy because if you accept yourself, you can then accept how things are – what you have right now, the partner that you have and the things you can be grateful for.