© Growingleaders.com

© Growingleaders.com

Many ladies I know are attracted to the high-achiever male. I find that if you are attracted to the kind of man that’s a high-achiever- who makes a lot of money, showers you with flowers, wines and dines you at fine restaurants, drives a luxury car- there’s a dynamic you should be aware of.

Ladies, I’m going to decode the high-achiever man.

Here’s what doesn’t work for this type of man. Women go on dates with these men and get attached because they feel he’s perfect. This type of man is typically a Type A personality, which means he is driven, which is why he’s successful. Here’s the secret to making it last with him: Don’t ask him to do things for you, at least not in the beginning.

One of my clients was dating what you would classify as a driven, successful man. He was courting her, which is something most of these men like to do – work hard to get the prize – the woman. You may have to take the backseat and allow him to put in the effort because that’s what he is comfortable doing. Once my client started putting in effort to text him and pursue a relationship, he disappeared.

Why Do High-Achievers Bolt From Romantic Pressures?

As soon as she started expecting things from him and put the pressure on him by asking him for commitments, he bolted. Even though the commitments were minor, such as spending a Sunday together or having a sleepover, he ceased to reply.

I’ve talked to high-achiever men to find out why they bolt once the romantic pressure is on. They tell me they do not want to disappoint women. They are busy with careers, routines and friends that as soon as women ask them to do what feels like an endless list of tasks and meetings, they don’t respond because they don’t want to disappoint her. These men are afraid of women’s high expectations. They don’t want to let the women down. It’s almost like you’ve set a goal or a task that he can’t achieve at the moment, so he’d rather ignore it. Even the simple request of asking him when you’ll next see him can feel like too much pressure as his life is already full of pressure and expectations.

So when he doesn’t text you back, it’s not because he’s not interested or because he doesn’t want to see you, but because it’s a task he can’t accomplish right now and he doesn’t want to fail in your eyes. So instead he does nothing, which is why you compulsively check your phone and do not see any replies.

Please remember, it’s not you, it’s him. These men – especially the higher-achiever type – never want to fail and if you ask them for too much that they can’t keep up with, it makes them feel like they are failing and they’d rather not be with you because failing is an uncomfortable feeling for them.

My Advice On Dating A High-Achiever Male

Let him pursue you! More importantly, do not ask him when you are getting together next. Let him make the plans. Let him take the lead. Sit on your hands if you have to! Do not text him and make requests at the beginning – with this type of high-achiever man.

If you put expectations on him and he can’t live up to them, he may just disappear for good.

What To Do When You Want To See Him And Can’t Text Him:

  • Keep busy
  • Message your friends instead
  • Understand that he’s not playing a game, it’s just the male brain
  • Take care of yourself – hit the gym, go to a yoga class
  • Text him little things (just not about when you’re next seeing him or a commitment)
  • Most importantly, breathe

The texts will come and the relationship will continue at a pace he’s comfortable at. It’s important that you find and understand his pace because you’re already invested in the relationship, he needs to find his way to invest without you forcing it.